Each week I have the opportunity to teach a Bible Study to
some pretty amazing women. This
semester, we decided to study Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages. Gary
Chapman is pretty much my hero when it comes to understanding
relationships! If you are not familiar with
the Five Love Languages, they are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Gifts
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
Every person feels uniquely loved in one of these ways.
According to the concept, the way you feel loved is also the way you show love.
The concept is pretty much GENIUS! This week we focused on one concept, Words of
Affirmation.
Now let me back up.
In order to know your love language, you take a short (honest) quiz, add
up the numbers and calculate your results.
So, my husband and I took the test. . . .mine was quality time and acts
of service and his was quality time and words of affirmation (although I am
pretty sure touch was pretty high up there).
Words of affirmation was pretty
much non-existent on my quiz. So here I
had my quiz in hand, the one that said I don’t give one iota about Words of
affirmation and now I have to prepare a lesson about it. Go figure.
Let’s just say I learned a thing or two this week. Words of affirmation, even though they are
not my primary love language, are a pretty big deal and the Bible has a whole
lot to say about it!!
- Proverbs 18:19-21 says “An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars. Wise words satisfy like a good meal; the right words bring satisfaction. The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”
- Proverbs 12:18 says “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
- Proverbs 12:25 says “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.”
- Ephesians 4:29 says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
- James 3:9-10 says “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.”
Mark
Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Words build us up. Words encourage us. Words are verbal expressions of love. Yep, words are a pretty big deal!
If Words of Affirmation is not your primary Love Language,
it is easy to dismiss this one and believe that your loved ones already knows
how you feel about them without having to say it all the time. WRONG!!
Within every language, there are many
dialects. This is includes love languages.
Here are just a few:
Words that Build Up:
Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation are powerful communicators of
love. They are best expressed in simple, straightforward statements of affirmation such as. . .
- “I really appreciate you.”
- “You’re an amazing dad.”
- “You’re a great lover.”
- “Thanks for taking care of our family.”
- “It’s a lot of fun being married to you.”
- “You never cease to amaze me.”
- “I am proud of you.”
Encouraging Words: The word encourage means “to inspire
courage.”
All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage and that often hinders us
from accomplishing the positive things we would like to do. Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the
world from their perspective. We must first learn what is important to
them. What do they enjoy? What do they fear? What are their dreams?
Scripture reminds us that encouragement is important.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says “Encourage one another and build
each other up.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 says “And let us consider how we may spur
one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some
are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”
Hebrews 3:13 says “Encourage one another daily, as long as
it is called today.”
Kind Words: 1 Corinthians 13:4 says “Love is patient,
love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” What are
the first two adjectives used to describe love?
LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND! . . .Wowzers, if we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind
words! That includes the way we speak.
The same sentence can have two different meanings depending on how you
say it. Others often interpret our
message based on our tone vs. our words.
The manner in which we speak is very important. Proverbs 15:1 says “A soft answer turns away
wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Humble Words: Love makes request, not demands. It is important in relationships to know what
the other person wants. What’s more important is the way we express our
desires. If they come across as demands,
we erase the possibility of intimacy. When you request instead of demand, you are affirming their worth and
abilities. The other person may choose
to respond to your request or deny it, because love is a choice. A request creates the possibility for an
expression of love, whereas a demand suffocates the possibility.
Indirect Words: How you speak about a loved one not in
their presence can have a great impact for blessing or curse. We all know not to talk bad about someone
behind their back. . .but it is okay to talk good! As a matter of fact, indirect words are a
great encouragement to “words” people.
Tell you husband’s mom how good he is at helping out with the kids. Tell your girlfriends how good his famous bbq
is. Also affirm your spouse or kids in
front of others when they are present.
If you are given a public honor for an accomplishment or an award, be
sure to share the credit with your spouse/kids/parents/etc.
“Words spoken at the right time are like gold apples in a
silver setting.” ~Proverbs 25:11
Written Words: I don’t think anyone can deny there is
something special about handwritten notes, cards, and letters. Especially in our culture where so much of
our communication takes place online or in a text. Taking a moment to affirm someone in a card,
letter or note is a great way to encourage someone. And. . .written words have the benefit of
being read over and over again.
If your loved one’s primary Love Language is Words of
Affirmation, here are some things you can do to show love:
·
Make sure to say “I love you” and “Please” and
“Thank You” every single day.
·
Be specific when you compliment them.
·
Say nice things about them to other people.
·
Don’t forget to write something special in the
card that goes with the gift.
·
Think of sticky notes as a pack of hundreds of
inexpensive love notes and use them often.
·
Express appreciation for the things they do and
the strengths you see in them.
King Solomon said, “Death and life are in the power of the
tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). Every day, we are shaping reality for someone by the words
that we use with them. . . The choice is ours!
