The Journey to Intentional

jour·ney
noun\ˈjər-nē\: an act of traveling from one place to another

in·ten·tion·al
adjective \in-ˈtench-nəl\: done in a way that is planned or intended

Life is a journey and we journey into many new adventures along the way.  Each of these adventures build our portfolio of life. One day someone will stand at a pulpit and share with a group of mourners the consequences of our journey.  On May 24, 2014 my family and I listened as the journey of our beloved "Pappy" was shared with a room full of those she touched.  The difference between her journey and mine (and most everyone) was that her journey was intentional.  

She lived with intention and she loved with intention!

She was intentional in telling those around her she loved them.  She was intentional with her time.  She was intentional with her finances.  She was intentionally in The Word and most importantly, she intentionally told everyone she knows about Jesus.

About a week after Pappy passed away, I made the decision to live intentionally. I want to be intentional in EVERY decision I make. 

I want to live intentionally and I want to love intentionally!

I want to intentionally tell those around me that I love them.  I want to be intentional with my time.  I want to be intentional with my finances. I want to intentionally be in The Word and most importantly, I want to intentionally tell everyone I know about Jesus.   

I haven't been real good at the whole blog thing.  I love the idea of a blog, I love to read blogs and I think blogs are a great way to chronicle the journey of life. . .but, I am not so great at it. I have decided my first step to living intentionally is to begin to record it in a blog. This is my journey to living intentionally.  I hope you join me on the journey!  

This blog is in honor of Patricia "Pappy" Joan Welch Hedges 1929-2014

We can be friends!

Not sure if you've heard, but Kelly Ripa doesn't care if her daughter doesn't like her. Several times in the past couple of weeks I have seen social media headlines about this particular news story. I love Kelly Ripa, I often listen to her bubbly talk show while I am cleaning or checking my email, but for some reason this article has bothered me. Now wait, hear me out. I know, I know . . . it's our job to protect our kids, we are their authority, they are to honor and obey us. I get it. But, being that I have four daughters, I know a thing or two about mother/daughter relationships. And guess what, you can be their friend and you should care if they like you. As a matter of fact, it is okay to want to be their best friend. 

I actually googled "how to be a good friend" and came across this article: http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Friend. 

What does it take to be a good friend? 

Being Trustworthy

Be dependable

Apologize when you've made a mistake

Be Honest

Be Loyal

Be Respectful

Be Selfless

Be a Good Listener

Give Thoughtful Advice

Give Space When Need

Be There for Them 

Be Forgiving

The Bible tells us in Exodus 20:12 to “Honor your father and your mother.” 

The Hebrew translation for the word “honor” means “to give weight to.” 

If you want your kids to give weight to your opinions and actions (hold your opinions 

and actions at such a high regard they let your response factor into their decisions), 

then you need to exhibit the characteristics of a TRUE friend. There will be times as a parent you will need to discipline, to use your authority and to allow your child to face consequences of their actions, but all of this can be done while still maintaining a 

friendship with your child. When you establish and maintain a friendship with your child

 they will come to you for advice, they will listen to your voice of reason, they will obey 

your rules and the will understand that you have their best interest at heart. You will be

 the one they come to about relationships, about temptations and about desires of

 their heart. You will be the one they can't wait to come home to and share the news 

of their day. So moms and dads, it’s okay. . .really, enjoy your kids, laugh with them, 

have a pillow fight, have heart to heart talks, chat in the car and thank the 

Lord for every moment your child allows you to be their friend!

Be Intentional . . .

A little over a year ago my world changed.  Oh, I've had lots of changes in my life. . .marriage, moves, the birth of four daughters, my call to homeschool, graduation, my daughter getting married. . .you get the idea, but literally, my world changed.  Pappy, I think everyone knows who Pappy is, was admitted into the hospital and Brian and I went for ice cream.  Yep, we went for ice cream.  You see, for some reason, Brian and I had always included Pappy in our future dreams, we knew that one day we would have her with us.  Even in the early days of our marriage, we would dream of our future house and for some reason, it always included a place for Pappy.  Well, the day had come, Pappy was admitted to the hospital and we (we being the entire family) knew it was time for Pappy to no longer live alone.  Here's the deal, no one knew our little secret, that we wanted Pappy with us. So that particular Sunday, Brian and I went for ice cream and discussed how we would convince the family that we were the ones that should be blessed enough to have her come live with us.  You see, Pappy wasn't a burden, she was loved by many, but we knew that for some reason she belonged with us. Why?  Well not because we were better or we could offer more, but because we KNEW God had placed it on our hearts.  Our family listened and believed and so my life changing journey began.

After a few set backs, including Pappy breaking 4 major bones and spending a lengthy amount of time in a skilled nursing facility, Pappy officially came home on September 11, 2013.  Those first few days (okay maybe weeks) I often wondered what I had gotten myself into!!  Pappy was an independent woman who lived many years of her life alone and now she was under the care of her grandson's wife. . .Probably not what she wanted.  But, slowly we found our rhythm and a friendship like no other.  People would often comment about how noble it was of us to open our home or what a blessing we were to Pappy, what they didn't know was we were the ones being blessed.  I cannot even begin to describe the months that Pappy lived with us, for you'd be reading for days, but I can say my days were filled with singing hymns, prayer, laughter and love.  Oh, I'm not saying there weren't hard days, there were, but the great moments far outweighed the bad!  During those months of doing what the world thought was a noble thing, the Lord was at work in MY life.  He knew he needed to slow me down, keep me at home and put before me the example of a Godly woman. . .that is EXACTLY what He did!!  I'm a stubborn one, thick-skullled, slow to learn, pig headed. . .just a few adjectives used describe me over the course of my lifetime.  I needed to be broken, I needed to stop and listen. . .He who knows me best knew this!  So here I was, stuck at home day in and day out, listening to the repetitive stories of a woman with dementia. . .yep, He knew that I not only needed the example of a Godly woman before me, but one that would repeat herself over and over again!  Slowly, her stories and the unconditional love she had towards others began to penetrate my thick skull.  I began to break. . .I began to change.  See, I'm not a bad person, never have been.  I am pretty much a rule follower, I love most everyone, I am a good friend, I am a pretty good wife and mom (most of the time) and I love the Lord. . .But, I wasn't who God called me to be.  I had always been the things I just listed because I am selfish!  I follow rules because I don't want to get in trouble, I love most everyone because I want everyone to love me, I am a good friend because I want good friends, I am a good wife and a good mother because, well I want good kids and a good marriage and I love the Lord because I want to go to heaven.  I haven't once lived or even tried to live selflessly.  Oh, I know you think I am being too hard on myself, no I am being honest.  I realized that my life I had led, although it looked very Godly to others, was a life I lived fully for Connie!  God knew it too.  Therefore, He took the most selfless person I have ever met and placed her right before my eyes. . .man He's good!!  

Eight months, four days. . .that is how long Pappy lived with us before God called her home.  I guess that is also the number of months and days God knew it would take to change my life.  Those first few days without Pappy here were the hardest in my life.  Although surrounded by people I love, I felt alone.  For the very first time in my entire life, I really became dependent on the Lord for my strength!  Another thing God knew about me . . .I too am an independent lady and I hadn't every fully relied on Him.  I began to pray like I had never prayed, study like I had never studied and love like I had never loved. . .selflessly.  About a week after Pappy passed away, I knew what I was called to do. . .live intentionally.  I needed to be intentional in EVERY decision I made.  Am I doing this selfishly or selflessly?  The only way to know was to be in prayer often.  

Two months, fifteen days. . .that's how long it's been since Pappy went home to be with the Lord.  I am doing my best to live intentionally and carry on a legacy of a woman whose shoes are just too big to fill!!  I won't always make the right decisions and I will continue to make selfish decisions. . .BUT, I am the daughter of a Gracious Father who forgives me over and over and over again!!  I hope you will join me in my desire live intentionally and I pray that you will not have to go on an eight month, four day journey to learn this lesson (but if you do, I hope it is as much fun as mine was)!

~Connie 

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  Philipians 1:6

Developing perseverance. . .

Okay, so last week, I was listening to KSBJ when I heard the testimony of a listener. He was saying that he was having a hard time with a situation in which he had no control. He decided that there was only one thing he could change about the situation and that was his attitude. I was actually in the middle of a situation that I too had no control of and I decided maybe this is what the Lord is trying to say to me, the only thing I could change was my attitude. I prayed as I was driving down the road that I would have a better attitude and when situations arose that I had no control over, I would change put my efforts into changing my attitude vs. changing the situation. . .

Well let me just say, SATAN has had a field day with this one!! Since that little car ride our A/C has gone out, we are dealing with Brian's throat situation, our dog was injured, running up a very large vet bill AND. . . tonight, we got the call every parent of a 16 year old dreads, but knows is coming, Emily got in her first fender bender!! Oh, and she couldn't have backed into the 1978 dodge pickup truck, oh no, she had to nail the new BMW parked right beside it. Tonight, I just started laughing, I mean what else can I do, the only thing I can change is my attitude, right?? I just keep reminding myself. . ."Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." ~1 Thess 5:18. And, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~James 1:2-4

All this to say. . .we would appreciate your prayers. 

Oh, and please remind me to be careful what I pray for!! ;-)

May you have a blessed week,

~Connie

The Joys of being Mrs. Brian Tanner

Today I have been a little, well maybe more than a little grumpy. Running in a million directions with a million kids. . .you get the picture. When I got home Brian was standing in the drive way and could tell I wasn't in the best of moods. After the kids got out of the car, he got into the passenger seat, shut the door and asked if I was okay. I gave the typical "the kids are driving me crazy, I never get a break, I want my own apartment in the city, blah, blah, blah. . ." spill. After I was done, he busted out . . ."I'll stand by you" and I busted out laughing! He always knows how to make me laugh!

Seventeen years ago this Saturday, I became Mrs. Brian Tanner. . .the best decision I have ever made.  Thank you God for the blessings of marriage and thank you for a man that still has my heart! 

Top 10 things we learned in 2010. . .

~Handing the keys over to our 15 year old daughter for the first time was

scarier than pregnancy, labor and infancy all put together!!

~A time share tour is NOT a fun thing to do while on vacation with four kids!!

~It's OK to put our elbows on the table, talk with our mouths full and laugh until milk comes out of our noses. . .as long as we are at home!

~Kids never get too big for bedtime stories!

~We can NEVER hear a story too many times when it is coming from a

grandparent. . .we never know how long we will have them!

~Every year goes by a little faster, no matter how hard we try to slow down!

~EVERYONE deserves to be forgiven, we were!

~The importance of good friends!

and last but not least. . .

~Family is God's Greatest Blessing, cherish it!

Our family continues to grow both physically and spiritually.  As each year comes to an end, we look back at what we learned and forward to what the future holds.  We are looking forward to the day when things slow down a little, but until then, we will continue to enjoy each day to the fullest! 

We pray that you and your family are blessed this CHRISTmas season!

It is in Him, who makes the sun to shine, the rain to fall,

the flowers to bloom and our hearts to sing.

The Tanner Family

My First Step. . .

Lao Tzu, a Chinese Philosopher, is the author of the well known quote “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.” Now I am not a follower of Chinese philosophers, but this is a quote that I often ponder on. Throughout my lifetime, I have been on many incredible journeys. Not journeys that have led me foreign lands or adventurous travels, but they are journeys none the less. I have journeyed into marriage, into motherhood, into entrepreneurship, into an amazing relationship with the Lord and most recently into homeschooling. Each of these journeys began with a decision followed by an action. . .a single step! So why did I decide to title my blog Journey 4:13? Because before I take that single step. . .I remind myself that "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

I hope that you enjoy following my crazy journey. . .
~Connie

A New Journey Begins. . .

If you are reading this, it is because you are an important part of our lives. You are loved and cared for by us and we know that you too, love and care for us. That being said, I would for you to know about a decision we have made concerning our family. (Please be patient, I know this is long.)

August 2009. . . we sent our four girls off to school just as we have done every year for many years. I (Connie) sat in the quiet of my house that first day and relished in the quiet calm of the house, what a blessing to busy moms. That afternoon I picked up my girls and the busyness of the school year kicked in. Between our four girls, there were 3 schools, 8 pre AP classes and 17 teachers. That was just the school day. The afternoons were filled with homework, dance lessons, etc. Whew. . .this was going to be a busy year for sure! I put on my big girl pants, rolled up my sleeves and began the school year journey, just as every other parent out there did, right? A week into the school year, Emily, our now high school daughter, sat in her room, tears flowing as she tried to complete the many hours of homework that were assigned to her. I would often sit for hours with just her alone, going over vocabulary, explaining math (that I was reteaching myself) and helping with projects. That was just Emily, but remember, I have three other daughters, so any free time I had in the evening was filled with reading logs, conduct charts, AR books, homework, etc. One night Madeline sat at the counter working on a simple algebra worksheet while I cooked dinner. She did not understand what a variable was, so I took a break and explained to her what it was. She looked up at me and said, "Wow Mom, that was easy, I wish my teacher had explained it to me like that." It was at that moment that I thought, wow, I just taught her something! And so began our newest journey.

That night in bed, I mentioned to Brian what had happened at the counter that night, along with the other "teaching moments" I had had with the girls. I just mentioned in passing to him that maybe I should homeschool Emily next semester and if it works out, I could homeschool all four the following year. His reaction. . .I was CRAZY and I might actually strangle my daughters if I had to spend 24/7 with them while having the responsibility of teaching them on my shoulders. But, I did as I do with everything else in my life, I began MANY hours of research. The next day I went to the library and checked out 6 books on homeschooling and poured myself into them. I read front cover to back cover of each and every book. I read about statistics, the pros, the cons, methods, about schedules and curriculum and anything else I could find. I read blogs and websites, ordered catalogs, contacted homeschooling co-ops. . .but I wasn't convinced either way, I was confused! What was I thinking??? I had finally made it to the point where all four of my girls were gone 7 hours a day, their days planned by someone else, the work done for me. . .I really was crazy! But I could not let it go. Then it hit me. Research, no matter how educated I became on the subject, was not going to settle my heart. I needed to hand it over to the Lord.

September 2009 . . .We decided that it was best if we handed it over to the Lord and not mention it to anyone. We wanted this to be a decision that we made without worldly influence. I spent the next month committed to prayer. I would pray in the morning, I would pray in the carpool line and at night with Brian. The last few years I have really learned the power of prayer. I have seen God work in miraculous ways, like the healing of my mother-in-law and the adoption of my nephews, and I have seen him quietly and gently say NO. I had finally learned to listen, as most of you know a hard job for my talkative self! I knew that this was a time that I had to listen. I had to put away the books, the statistics and the opinions and I had to listen to the Lord. After all, it is He that loaned me these precious girls. "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it," (Psalm 24:1) We are merely temporary possessors (or stewards) of all the things that He owns, including my girls. My heart started to cave, and I began to know the answer, even though it scared the bageebees out of me! By October, not only was I considering homeschooling Emily, I was considering homeschooling all four. I knew the answer, now I just need to decide if I was going to obey. . .another hard job for my controlling self! 

December 2009 . . .the semester was coming to an end, what was I to do? The girls came home for Christmas break and it was then that I knew for sure. I was bringing my girls home. Oh, I have my moments of, "Am I making the right decision?", "Am I going to mess my girls up?" I'm scared. I am scared that I won't be good enough or I will hate it or the kids will be miserable. I worry about all sorts of things that come along with having four kids all at home ALL DAY. In those moments of fear, I quietly think, "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!" and I remind myself. . ."I can do everything through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

January 2010 . . .Over the last month or so, as we have began to tell people that we plan to homeschool, we have been met with responses ranging from, "Whatever for??" to "That's great!" Most of the time, however, we just get a simple, "Why?" People are cautiously curious and just as we are concerned about the well being of our girls, so are others that are a part of their lives. I have made a list of why we were homeschooling. I hope this helps you to understand why we have made this decision and I wanted to remember, especially in those moments of apprehension, why we decided to do things this way. 

Why we decided to homeschool:

Let me say first that we have had a great experience and we have no ill thoughts towards the school or the teachers -- after all, we have entrusted many years of our girl's education to them.

Secondly, we know that homeschooling is not for everyone. Please do not feel that we are being judgmental of those that choose other educational options for their children. 

That being said, here are our reasons:

1. With four children ages seven to fourteen I realize how fast the time is going. They are growing up, exploring their world, and learning new things every day. I want to be a part of that.

2. I don't think that my girls need seven hours a day of schooling along with additional hours of homework every evening.

3. My girls teachers are spending almost twice as many waking hours with them as I am. With a 7 hour school day and a mom that insists on early bedtimes (for adequate sleep), I am getting to spend about 3-4 waking hours with my girls. And those hours are filled with getting ready for school, eating breakfast, cooking supper, and getting ready for bed. Quality time is almost non-existent.

4. I want to know what my children are learning and be involved in the process. A classroom teacher (to no fault of their own) does not have the time to vividly describe and explain what is being taught. They have a scheduled amount of time and a classroom full of kids.

5. I want my kids to have the majority of their information coming from home -- not from peers. I remember school. I remember what I learned from my friends. I remember all the ways my thinking was skewed. I want my kids to have their world view filters built at home, not from their peers.

6. I want to help maintain sibling relationships. I want them love each other, to love being together. I want them to help one another, teach one another, and look out for one another.

7. These four girls are my calling. As a mom, I have been given a task from God to raise them in the way that they should go. It is my conviction that for me, that task involves teaching and educating them in all things -- reading, writing, cooking, home management, Bible, prayer, gift-giving, hygiene, and more. If they aren't here, I can't do that.

8. And last but not least. . . Because in my heart, I know it is right for our family at this time. Any fighting it on my part would be disobedience.


Now that we have explained our decision to homeschool, we ask that you respect our decision. We know that you will have questions and concerns, and that is fine. But please know that this was a decision that was prayerfully made. We might mess up, we might fail in some areas, our girls might not grow up to be rocket scientist. . .but really how many kids do? It is just as important, no, more important to us, that our girls grow up to be well rounded, kind, generous, loving, Godly women. And so now our journey begins, actually it will begin on January 18th. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this and we hope that you will pray for and encourage us along the way. We love each and every one of you.

Brian and Connie Tanner